


Odinson and Odinson : Agents of SHIELD

by The_Lionheart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3854134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lionheart/pseuds/The_Lionheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OH BOY. I found the first bit of this from something I started in 2013. And it looks like it was gonna be awesome! I don't remember much about where I was going with this, other than the fact that it was going to be a crossover with Supernatural and I had a doc saved in my  writing folder called "LokiBruceSamDean_StartingOut" which was  apparently just this and nothing else. HOWEVER, I will not be making the MCU/SPN crossover happen today. Nope, this is just an AU! An awesome AU where a half-naked Loki wears an apron and makes breakfast! And also I apparently still wrote in third person. That's fine! It gives me a chance to write my beloved Loki-Bruce Broship.</p></blockquote>





	Odinson and Odinson : Agents of SHIELD

It was a morning like any other, now that he's found his stride. He woke up to turn on the coffeemaker and sank back into his narrow bed. He used to sleep in a bed large enough that he could stretch out his arms and legs and not even touch the edges, half-buried under furs and silks. He felt lucky now just to have a place to put his body when it was tired.  
  
Once the coffeemaker stopped gurgling he forced himself back up, but slowly. He laid seven mugs out in an even line, meticulously placing an exact measurement of sugar and cinnamon in each. He poured into each mug until the coffeepot was empty, turned off the coffeemaker, and rinsed the pot and let it dry on the small rack next to his sink. He put cream in each mug and methodically stirred each one. One by one, he picked up each mug of coffee and drained it dry.  
  
Coffee, he had discovered, was pretty excellent. His brother, he knew, shared this view. He rinsed out each mug and left them to dry as well.  
  
He stepped into the shower, and turned the water on as hot as it would go. He's spoken to Clint before about this, and the archer agreed with him- there is no water pressure and it's not nearly hot enough. He used to bathe in a pool of crystal clear water fed through silver and diamond fountains, and his new shower wasn't quite tall enough to let him wash his hair without stooping a bit. He did not think _oh how the mighty have fallen_ , because he chose this exile, and he was not about to go back.  
  
Loki stepped out of the shower and dried himself off using the somewhat scratchy white towel SHIELD provided with the room. He had a few options, it being his day off. He could go the library and catch up on his reading, or to the range to practice with the small handgun Agent Coulson insisted he carried.  
  
_"But why would I need something like that?" Loki had asked at first, and the Agent had sighed._  
  
_"Because a gun is a normal weapon," he said finally. "In a world where people don't, as a rule, carry weaponry on them, those that do carry them in the service of the public? They have guns. No one will believe you're a federal agent if you whip out a bunch of knives." He gave Loki a sideways glance. "The hair alone is enough to make them think you're not an agent, if you pull out a knife they'll think you're a serial killer."_  
  
_"What is a serial killer?" Loki had asked flatly, and Coulson shook his head grimly._  
  
_"One thing at a time. You'll be getting a haircut later."_  
  
Loki's hair was still short enough to feel resentful about the exchange, so he decided to do neither. He pulled on a kilt and toed into some slippers, since covering his nethers and his feet were the bare minimum of clothing required on his days off. The very concept of a required uniform for certain things- a suit while working, pants and a shirt and sneakers for exercising, and the absolute fit Stark pitched when he invited the sons of Odin to his estate for a "pool party"- was sort of quaint to Loki. He remembered wearing ceremonial armor everywhere, for everything. He remembered the first time he realized that, if he stayed in his quarters at SHIELD, he could spend a day completely in the nude and not have to answer to his parents' disapproval.  
  
He thought long and hard about whose quarters he would go to now. He has lived here for the better part of a year and a half, and only six months ago SHIELD brought others into the fold- not as Agents, Loki understood, but as consultants, like himself and Thor. Stark had already been a consultant, of course, but since discovering Thor and Loki's presence he'd found reasons to be underfoot more often. Loki actually liked him, which he tried extremely hard not to show, since it wouldn't do anyone any good to encourage Stark.  
  
Clint and Natasha were, of course, out and about. As the only real Agents employed in Fury's Initiative, their schedules were somewhat stricter than others. Captain Rogers was generally more available, but when Loki thought about actually talking to him his stomach churned. Although that might be the coffee.  
  
Loki let himself put a hold on thinking about his inappropriate workplace crush to take care of business.  
  
So. Captain Rogers was... out of the question. He was probably busy, Loki added mentally as he thoroughly scrubbed his hands clean. Busy drawing, or thinking sad thoughts, or punching sacks full of sand until they exploded.  
  
Loki supposed he could seek out Darcy or Jasper, but the problem with looking for company in the Agency was that everyone who was an Agent tended to be busy most of the time. He supposed he could go see if Thor would speak to him.  
  
He also supposed that would go over like a lead balloon, to use one of Darcy's terms.  
  
Loki brightened considerably. There was at least one person around here who almost never actually left the building, and if he felt like talking they could spend hours comparing Asgardian magic to Earth technological advances. If he didn't feel like talking, well, Loki could always bring a book. Bruce was generally good company when it came to needing a low level of background noise instead of absolute silence.  
  
Loki paused before leaving his quarters, though. Bruce Banner was a lot of things, and none of those things was a morning person. Loki would have to bring some sort of peace offering along with. He pursed his lips, picking up a large cast-iron frying pan from a cabinet near his tiny stove. It was big enough to make a spectacular quantity of scrambled eggs. He put it down just long enough to tie on an apron- wouldn't want to get raw egg on his freshly-showered self, after all- and absentmindedly picked it back up before teleporting to Bruce's lab.  
  
"Good morning," he called out, glancing around. "You asleep on the cot in the corner, Banner? I was going to make eggs and bacon, unless you wanted an omelette?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In one universe, in one turn of the wheel of time, in one version of this story, Loki's plan fails.

Here, in this time, everything goes right. The guards in Odin's vault turn right instead of left. The jotuns who break in- with Loki's help, naturally- are captured and jailed, without Asgard having any diplomatic obligation to send them back to Jotunheim.

Not that it's such a bad fate for them, Loki thinks. Even an Asgardian jail is infinitely superior to any measure of freedom in Jotunheim.

Thor winds himself up for battle without Loki even having to do anything, just as planned.

Loki's intentionally long greeting to Heimdall, full of false politeness and  vague flattery, delays the gatekeeper just enough.

The guard who Loki told of Thor's intentions to go to Jotunheim is swift on his feet to find and warn Odin.

The Allfather, astride Sleipnir, appears in a glory of Bifrost lights only minutes after Loki and Thor and the Warriors Four  land themselves, and something that could have been a very terrible crisis indeed is averted.

The fight that Thor and Odin get into is all the more viciously worded because Thor has not had a chance to work the violence out of his mood.

Loki is swift to  jump into the fray, both to defend Thor and to explain his role and why it was necessary, swifter than he would have been if something had been weighing on his mind.

Of course, in no part of Loki's plan to prove to the Allfather that Thor was unworthy of being made regent did he factor in that the Allfather, sick of his sons and their hubris and the games they played with the throne of the Protector of the Nine, would banish not one but both of the princes.

Never would he have imagined that they would be stripped of their rank, their powers, their immortality, and left as nothing more than a pair of humans in the dust of the Midgardian desert.

Nothing in Loki's mind could have anticipated that a trio of Midgardians would race out to their location, chasing the last signs of the Bifrost, and accidentally ram their vehicle into Thor.

 Although he probably should have realized that it would be inappropriate to laugh as hard as he did when it happened.

And he probably _should_ have expected the taser.

**Author's Note:**

> OH BOY. I found the first bit of this from something I started in 2013. And it looks like it was gonna be awesome! I don't remember much about where I was going with this, other than the fact that it was going to be a crossover with Supernatural and I had a doc saved in my writing folder called "LokiBruceSamDean_StartingOut" which was apparently just this and nothing else. HOWEVER, I will not be making the MCU/SPN crossover happen today. Nope, this is just an AU! An awesome AU where a half-naked Loki wears an apron and makes breakfast! And also I apparently still wrote in third person. That's fine! It gives me a chance to write my beloved Loki-Bruce Broship.


End file.
